This song as well as ‘Anything is Possible’, ‘Continents Away’ and ‘Kaleidoscope’ all explore the resolution element of ‘Between a Disillusion and Resolution’.
There is a common thread of introspection in identity, belonging, curiosity and travel and ‘Exiles’ especially deals with the idea that to find out more of yourself, you may need to venture further afield.
British people working overseas are normally referred to as ‘Expats’. The dictionary definition of this is ‘to exile oneself’.
Moving to the Middle East for four years definitely did this for me. During my time at home in Wales in 2015, I felt disillusioned and afraid that I may end up stuck in a dead end for longer than I’d ever want to be. Sometimes, a complete uproot is what is needed. And when the time was right, I always had home to come back to. I’m home in Wales again for the time being and the experiences I had have been amazing.
This song is for those who venture further afield, looking to explore, learn and challenge themselves.
This song was inspired the Elizabeth Strout novel of the same name.
Strout has this extraordinary way of writing about human beings in small knit communities. It may be fiction, but the feelings, interactions, desires and fears are as real as anything I’ve ever read.
One particularly moment in the book sees a character returning from her work life in the city to her family’s home and village. She ends up being unable to stay due to an overbearing amount of panic and anxiety as if she returned to a childhood trauma.
The whole idea of running away from a place, a memory or a childhood fascinates me, and ‘anything is possible’ was written with the belief of good fortune, good connections and good things being able to happen, no matter what has happened before, so long as you are open to it.
I’m lucky to have friends from all over the world. The not so good thing about that is being away from them for long periods of time.
Continents Away was written about the moments you get to spend with the people you love, but those moments heightened by the fact you know that you are going to be thousands of miles away from each other.
Living in the Middle East had me experience sense of transience in a more frequent way than I had ever experienced before.
Relationships that are long distance most definitely teach us to seize the moment, but there is also that desire in us to make sure we support each other whilst we are away drawn to whatever it is that steers us in different directions.
I remember losing my gaze in a kaleidoscope my Grandmother use to have and the twisting motion bringing about a new wave of symmetrical colours and patterns.
I wrote this song about celebrating curiosity, especially through the form of travel and the whole notion of things being the same, but different.
Working out in the Middle East gave me that opportunity, to see the world but also meet people from everywhere, and I am happy to have friends that are from all the world.
Whilst there are cultural differences, there are many common values we all share no matter where we are from. Especially in a time where Xenophobia has creeped into the narrative, I wanted to write this song to celebrate the idea of cultures and people from anywhere in the world being able to integrate with each other.
There’s a reference here but it’s not ‘Stranger Things’
The title was inspired by a quote from ‘Mary Poppins’ the musical where she describes the Banks family as an upside down family.
So much of the story of Mary Poppins is about the tension between a Father’s duty to business, working life and his family.
There are plenty of instances where this has been the case in real life where there are complex problems within a family set up that can sometimes end up buried and cause long term resentment.
Lyrically, it is one of the most complicated topics I cover in the album. The idea of disillusionment and how choices can impact any family but how introspection and seeking resolutions with empathy and forgiveness is a way to come to terms with everything.
The story of Mary Poppins has a wonderful arc for Mr. Banks. I wish that arc can be true for life itself as well.
Myopia was written in response to short term thinking from people in power. Another track that justifies the word ‘disillusionment’ in the album title.
Initially, the lyrics explore the trap of making selfish decisions that in turn, leave other people in worse off positions and exploited. Another running theme is about profit being a priority above duty.
The big closing moment that finishes this track is in regards to our climate and the mess we are making of the planet and whilst positive strides have been made, there is still a lot of lip service, empty promises and unsustainable processes going on.
The use of the word ‘Prudence’ has declined in the last few years but I think it should become fashionable again.
I certainly wish that we all behave in a way that is more prudent and less myopic.
I wrote Half Notion after reading this brilliant quote from Guillermo Del Toro.
I always say, when you’re young and unsuccessful, you don’t have the money, and if you’re not careful, when you’re old and successful, you don’t have the passion. To be put in either of those two positions is a tragedy. I think one of the toughest times in any man’s life is his twenties, because in your twenties you’re fiercely screaming who you are, but you have only half a notion of who you are. Then as you grow older, you whisper who you are, but people are closer to you, and they listen. By that time, you have half a notion, a quarter of a notion, of who you are. I think the tragedy is when you finally have all the people that you need surrounding you, and you have nothing left to say.”
Reading this passage from ‘cabinet of curiosities’ gave me a heck of a lot of comfort in my early twenties. The very idea that it’s okay to not have a clue about anything. The problem is school and society tells you that you need to get your act together swiftly, and that you need to be successful sharpish.
Passion, desire and anxiety go hand in hand whilst you’re still trying to figure it all out. Half Notion musically and lyrically deals with me living that experience.
The middle solo is one of my proudest moments on the guitar as well.
If you’re in your twenties, early or late and you feel like you are still figuring everything out, that’s fine and you’re far from alone in feeling that. You’ve got time and in the meantime, enjoy the exploration.
Track 1 of my solo debut album was initially written in 2015 and completed in 2018.
Musically, it’s a progressive metal track through and through with 5/4 being the opening time signature amongst other jagged rhythms and riffs.
Most of the track is guitars, bass and drums but there are moments where I use acoustic guitars, synths and other textures. The ending is particularly dense.
Lyrically, the album is about what has been called by some as the lost decade. The growing chaos and division that occurred from 2016 onwards and futures being determined by lack of upward mobility, soaring house prices and inequality, prejudice and hatred.
This opening track was one of the reasons I wanted to include the word ‘disillusion’ in the album title.
Amidst all the frustration I expressed in this track, and my observation of it all, I throw in an element of hope in there. The problems are definitely there, but many of us see them and are doing something about it. Here is to changing things for the better.